Life is cyclical. It is known. For me, the cycle goes like this: everything falls into place, and then something happens. A misstep. And then the universe starts to pull at that misstep, like a set of fingers pulling at an errant end of a piece of yarn on a sweater. And life starts to unravel.
At least it feels that way. Depression and anxiety take over, and every new misstep is exaggerated. It feels like life will never get back to the way it was.
And then the unraveling slows. And then it stops. And then you patch things up and feel whole again. For a while, anyway.
It seems like every time the unraveling slows, when life is close to falling back into place, I return to writing. I don't have any breakthroughs to share, but I like to set intentions. And I love lists. Here's a list of things that led to life falling into place:
1. E proposed and I said yes. We're planning a wedding! We're exited! And scared!
2. I got a fantastic annual review at work, and a very decent raise.
3. E and I made the decision to buy a house!
4. I stopped living paycheck to paycheck.
And then slowly, things started to turn.
1. Planning a wedding and managing everyone's FEEEEELINGS. This was very stressful starting out. Very stressful. Very, very, cry-every-day, feel-like-a-failure, plan-an-elopement, cry-some-more stressful.
2. My work engagement gave me more responsibility without much help or direction. Obviously I won't go into detail, but the last 8 months have been the most challenging of my entire professional career.
3. House buying sounds like so much fun! In theory! In reality, it is THE WORST. We've put in offers for over 20 houses. The market is insane in Atlanta right now, and folks are getting 15-20 offers and generally selling well over asking price. We're under contract right now, and I *think* we are finally on track to get a house, but the last two were so disheartening. They really illustrated the dark underbelly of humanity sellers.
4. E and I were in a car accident a week ago today and my car was totaled.
Life is hard, but it's turning around. There are actually some really great positives coming out of these negative situations.
1. E and I are learning a lot more about each other, and I really think we're bonding over the wedding planning. And honestly, now that we have a budget and a space and a date and have talked with our parents about our expectations, it's gotten a lot better.
2. The difficulty at work hasn't gone unnoticed, and good things may be headed my way.
3. The two other houses falling through led us to the house we're buying now - a house that is well within our budget that we can customize to our needs.
4. My insurance is covering the rest of my loan for my car - so no more car payments! Until I buy a new car. But E and I are buying the car and covering the expenses together.
So, I don't know. I started this post with the intention of writing down some things I want to focus on, heading into summer, but I guess I'll save that for another day. Today I'm just happy to say that things are turning around.
I've been teetering on the border of depression for a few weeks now, and a forced break from running has started to push me over the edge. It's been an awful few months. The challenges I'm facing at work are the most difficult things I've encountered professionally to date. Personal issues are weighing heavily on me. My stress is at an all time high - so high that I experienced my first panic attack two months ago. Things aren't great, but I'm tired of complaining about it. There's a lot of external stuff going on that I can't control, so I need to focus on the things I can.
I'm taking November to recharge. My Ultimate Fitness Challenge ends this week, so I'm about to lose that accountability. I'm proud of what I accomplished these last 3 months (down 10 lbs!), but it's time to find some motivations from within. So I'm looking at this new month as a chance to realign my work/life balance. I need to find a new way to stay healthy and fit while I recover from a stupid (and avoidable) injury. I need to remember how to let go of work when I'm at home - a huge challenge when I live with a co-worker. I need to get back to being happy.
Fitness Goals:
1. I've signed up for the #30daysofyoga challenge (from Yoga with Adriene).
2. I've also signed up for Pile on the Miles with one of my favorite bloggers (Run Eat Repeat).
3. I have a few more physical therapy sessions, and plan to be diligent about my homework.
4. I still have my personal training 2x/week.
5. I'm staying very hopeful about walking the Atlanta Half Marathon, but I'm also trying to be flexible/realistic that I might just have to walk the 5K.
All of this isn't really going to equal the miles I was putting in training for the 10 Miler and Half Marathons, but it's what I can do right now. On top of all of this, I'm going to try to meditate daily, a practice that really helped control my stress over the summer.
In other news, I'm participating in the SoleMates fundraiser for Girls on the Run, and I'm excited about my chili cookoff next Sunday. Hoping for a good turnout. Interested in learning more? Check out my fundraising page.
I have more stuff brewing in my brain, but I'll save it for another post.
The Atlanta 10 Miler was yesterday, and I didn't run it. I started training for it back in August, but my training failed me. Let's be real. I failed me.
When I was training for the Peachtree Road Race, I took a million yoga classes. I signed up for a 21 day challenge - and completed it - and made a habit of going at least once a week, if not more. And shockingly, I did not develop any significant knee pain.
So when I started really considering the Triple Peach, and training for the 10 Miler and the Half Marathon, I knew yoga had to be part of my training routine. And yet. Life gets in the way of best intentions, right?
I ended up making time for a personal trainer twice a week, running 2-3 times per week, and doing a fun cardio session with friends once a week or so. And no yoga. None. On top of that, my long runs were inconsistent, and I don't think I built my mileage up safely.
Last Sunday, I planned to run 8 miles. Only 3 miles in my knee popped, and I knew it was over. I could barely put any pressure on it for the rest of the day. My knee had been getting more and more sore after every run, but I kept thinking I just needed to push through. So stupid.
I had previously scheduled a doctor's appointment that Monday to get checked out and hopefully get some info on how to train a little better. Instead, the doctor told me to stop running completely. I need 5-6 weeks of physical therapy, and I can start training again after that. He did say I could try pool running or finding a place that has a zero gravity treadmill, but neither of those options are affordable on TOP of the physical therapy co-pays and personal training.
So yesterday, I toed the starting line to walk the Atlanta 5K with my friend. We ended up using the run/walk method, and from a cardio perspective, I felt fantastic. I could have kept going for hours like that. My knee felt alright as we jogged, but right at the end, I told Kristy we should sprint to the finish line - terrible idea. I felt a shooting pain, obviously, and my knee was sore for the whole rest of the day. I'm sure you're all shocked.
I hate that I can't run. I especially hate that I did A LOT of cross training and still injured myself. I hate that I'm trying to lose weight, and my easiest and best option for cardio is out of the picture for the next month. I hate that I'm going to lose all the speed I worked so hard to get.
I'm really, really bummed out.
BUT. I'm going to attend my physical therapy sessions and my personal training sessions, and throw myself into getting better. Then I'm going to find a really fantastically fun race and train smarter.
I don't want to end on a sour note though, so here are some positives that came out of yesterday:
1. Slumber party with my BFF so we could get ready together in the way early hours of Sunday morning.
2. 7:00 AM dance parties at the starting line.
3. Kristy had fun running and wants to do it again!
4. I got to hang out with a ton of friends and cheer on strangers to the finish line.
5. I still got a 5K medal, and my Triple Peach Medal.*
6. I also still got a pretty rad 10 Miler zip up.**
7. Epic brunch with mimosas (err...I mean ORANGE JUICE).
8. Epic nap.
9. Inspired to find some 10Ks to train for before next year's Triple Peach.
Also, after seeing a ton of walkers finish the 10 Miler, I'm going to attempt to continue training to walk the half marathon. If I'm not fast enough (the cut-off time is 15 min/mi), I can easily switch to the 5K.
*I'll still be participating in the 3 events, so it sort of counts, right? **I've been looking to purchase some winter workout gear, so this was an excellent surprise edition.
Training is underway! I'm doing a few weeks more weeks of conditioning before I start logging some big miles, but I'm definitely focused on November at this point.
I have some fun news! Eric, Kristy and I are part of a fitness challenge set up by our friend Curtis. The gist is that we had a fitness profile done by a professional trainer, who then gave us specific, personalized goals. We have until November 15 to meet these goals. If we fall short, give up, or don't put in a decent effort, we will have to donate $25 to a presidential campaign we vehemently and actively disagree with. There is also a Grand Prize (one month gym membership) for the person who shows the most overall improvement, based on the assessment of the previously mentioned trainer.
So. My personal goals are to lose 24 lbs of fat and gain 5 lbs of muscle. AND ALSO TO FINISH A HALF MARATHON.
So last week, Eric, Kristy and I were sitting around discussing how we were going to avoid losing our money to a cause we opposed. We talked about doing group workouts, hiring personal trainers, keeping tabs on each others' diets, etc. I mentioned it might be a good idea to look at hiring a personal trainer to do small group sessions, and that way we could split the cost. We all agreed it was a good idea, but might be too expensive.
Cut to the very next morning, I'm doing my daily morning Facebook browsing, and I see a post from a guy in my neighborhood offering personal training sessions. Not only that, but he does group sessions AND he will come to your locations.
SERENDIPITOUS.
So I called, the price was right, and we scheduled to meet with him that very night. We now have a personal trainer that we will meet with twice a week! I'm so excited.
What does that mean for my training? Well, I was very clear that while I want to lose weight and gain muscle, my number one goal is to finish the half marathon...without injury. I need some nutritional guidance, as well as muscle strengthening in my legs. We had our first session the following afternoon, and I was really pleased with the workout AND his advice on our diet. He's very against processed foods, but also allows for moderation and cheat days, etc.
Also he's like the most non-judgmental laid back fitness professional I've ever met.
So I've had to revamp my training schedule slightly. Here's the new version:
With that said, here's my workout recap from last week!
Sunday: Rest
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: 2.41 miles - run
For this workout I ran 2 miles straight! I think that's the first time I've ever done that. Ever. It was really exciting. I didn't go too fast, but reserving my energy made it possible to finish the workout. I was very proud of this run considering how much a struggled the week before.
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: Personal Training
This was a TOUGH workout. I don't remember the full details of what we did, but there were a LOT of squats, running up stairs, some ab work with crunches, bicycles, and leg lifts, push ups, and this weight lifting thing called Thor's Hammer, which was pretty fun to do. My legs felt like jelly afterward, and I was sort until Monday!
Friday: 2.31 miles - run
The personal training was only about 12 hours before this run, so my legs weren't sore yet. Instead they we just weak and wobbly. I started the run slow and steady and kept a 12:48 pace for 24 minutes straight. Not bad considering I couldn't feel anything below my waist.
Saturday: 2.61 miles - walk
As part of the fitness challenge, we have an open invite to a Saturday morning Cardio Blast at the gym that provided us with our profiles. Cardio Blast is a 45 minute bootcamp style workout that nearly killed me the first time I did it. I'm being dramatic, but it was blazing hot that day, and we did so many leg workouts that I cried every time I had to sit down for a week. Eric, Kristy and I were all still sore from our workout with Coach Court, that we decided this "Blast" wasn't in the cards for us. Instead, we took a nice stroll around Grant Park to shake out our legs. The weather was gorgeous and we had a good time reflecting on Thursday's workouts and what we hope to gain from this challenge.
Hi, friends! As I mentioned in my last post, I've decided to run the Atlanta Thanksgiving Day Half Marathon. Because I'm a crazy person, apparently.
I've been working on a training schedule, and I think I finally have it nailed down. I've pulled from a bunch of different beginner training resources, including Hal Higdon, Girls on the Run, and the Atlanta Track Club. Here's where I'm at:
As I think I mentioned, I'd like to build up to running about 5 miles straight, but then run/walk the 10 Miler and Half Marathon. My A goals for both races is to keep under 13 min/mi average pace, but just finishing without injury or being dragged away will be a huge accomplishment.
Are you an avid runner and/or coach who has stumbled on my humble blog? Please feel free to leave feedback with your thoughts on this training plan for a beginner.
SO THEN ALSO. What else?
Oh! Why am I running?! That's a good question. I'm running for health and fitness and because I'm 31 and I want to stop letting my body waste away on the couch. But I'm also running for Girls on the Run (GotR).
"What is Girls on the Run?" you may be asking yourself. Well, GotR is a nationwide non-profit after school care program, with local chapters, that helps girls build confidence and a healthy lifestyle through a fun running curriculum. How cool is that? They target under-resourced areas, and show girls that they can accomplish big things if they work hard and believe in themselves.
Their mission is so important to me for several reasons. I came from a really poor background - like we lived in someone else's trailer because we couldn't afford our own kind of poor. When I was in elementary school, my mom worked A LOT. So much so, that I couldn't participate in sports or other activities because she couldn't take me. And also because we had no money. By the time my mom raised us up to a decent living wage, I had no interest in joining teams. I was too slow, too out of shape, too embarrassed to even try.
Now that I'm ::cough::in my THIRTIES::cough:: I've found that running gives me confidence and makes me feel strong - and it's not just physically. Mentally I feel tougher, and so proud of what I've accomplished.
I want that for these girls. They should get to grow up knowing what's possible.
Another reason I'm running is to educate my community about this program. GotR is amazing and targets neighborhoods just like mine. I want my neighbors to become involved and start a chapter here, in SE Atlanta.
GotR offers its program for FREE, but they need help. By registering as a SoleMate, I've committed to raising $500, but my personal goal is to raise $3,000 - enough to sponsor an entire team for one season. If you would like to help, please head to my fundraising page here. Literally any little bit helps, and I have a long way to go.
I ran the Peachtree Road Race on Saturday, July 4th this year. I had set a goal for myself to complete it in under 1:20:36. I wanted to stay under an average pace of 13 min/mi, even if only by a second. I finished in 1:20:09 (12:55 min/mi). And I finished strong. I know that if I hadn't been dodging 8 million walkers ON THE FAR LEFT while sprinting to the finish, I could have gotten my time down even lower.
Somehow I decided that finishing the Peachtree at a respectable pace meant I could do anything.
At first, I decided to make this the Fall of 5Ks. I'd decided to run a 5K in September, October, November, break for the holidays unless something piqued my interested, and then try the New Years 4 miler or Hot Chocolate 5K in January.
PERFECTLY. REASONABLE.
I planned to do speedwork and run a 30 minute 5K by January.
But then my dear friend, Jerod, started talking about his plans to run the Atlanta 10 Miler. You see, as an Atlanta Track Club member, he gets discounts on various races, and while he didn't have anything major on the horizon, he wanted to keep up his mileage.
So I thought - discounts on 5Ks AND guaranteed entry into the Peachtree next year? Sign me up! And now I'm a track club member. Me. A 30 year old adult who has never been anything resembling an athlete in her entire life - I've now paid my hard earned cashmoney to join a group of other people to run with our feet and legs and stuff. Me. Who as a teenager was on a softball team that forfeited or lost 9 out of 10 games in a season, and who was on the swim team, sure, but only ever swam in the exhibition lane during meets.
Yep. I'm now a grown adult human woman who puts sneakers on and moves her feet as quickly as possible for free t-shirts and/or medals.
So that was a big deal. But then Jerod kept talking about the 10 Miler. And then so did Eric's sister, Kate. And then this very nice gentleman at work talked to me about the Triple Peach. The Triple Peach is a race series which includes the Peachtree Road Race 10K, the Atlanta 10 Miler, and the Atlanta Thanksgiving Day Half Marathon. You get a medal for each race, and then they all combine to make on ginormous medal when you've completed it. Sort of like the Power Rangers Megazord, but without the sword and racist stereotypes.
Pictured: Not a race medal.
This coworker basically repeated things that Jerod said - if you can run 6 miles, you can run 10. And if you can run 10 miles, surely you can run 13.1.
So I finally agreed and signed up. I've basically been training for the last 2 weeks. My goal is get up to running 5 miles straight, but for longer runs and race days I plan to run/walk.
I've had mostly good runs for the last few weeks (with one glaring exception this past Tuesday). Both my speed and endurance are slowly increasing, so I'm kind of pleased with myself. I've been slack though. I know the only reason I was able to complete my Peachtree training without injury to my right knee is yoga. So much yoga. I started going regularly in March, and then signed up for and completed a 21 day challenge back in April/May. It was exhausting to incorporate into my training, but totally worth it. Since then though, I've only gone back to the studio occasionally, and it definitely won't be enough in the coming weeks when my mileage really starts to climb. So my goal in August, besides sticking to my running plan, is to re-incorporate yoga at least once week, but preferably twice. I love the yoga studio I was going to, but traffic to and from is such a deterrent that I've lost the motivation. There's a studio within walking distance from my house that I plan to try next week. Fingers crossed I like it.
So here's my race "calendar" for the rest of the year.
Sept 26 - Red Hare Chase 5K*
October 25 - Atlanta 10 Miler
November 26 - Atlanta Thanksgiving Day Half Marathon!
I'm also planning posts about my training plan, my fundraiser(!!) for SoleMates, and some lifestyle stuff - like more on meditation, decluttering and finding joy outside of material things.
*Oh, did I forget to mention? I left this 5K on the calendar to gauge my progress AND(!!!!!!) Eric is running it with me! I'm so excited!
A – Age: 30 (for a few more weeks!) B – Biggest Fear: Spiders C – Current Time: 7:50 AM D – Drink You Had Last: Coffee E – Easiest Person To Talk To: Kristy, my BFF, always F – Favorite Song: Wagon Wheel by The Old Crow Medicine Show or Bodies by Soul Miner's Daughter G – Grossest Memory: One time, I put my foot into my pair of faux-Uggs, and when I took a step I squished something and it felt cool. I was absolutely sure I'd just stepped on a roach IN MY SHOE. Turned out it was a packet of ketchup. Still gross. H – Hometown: Marietta, Georgia I – In Love With: Mr. John Frederick Agel III J – Jealous Of: I wish I could say I was beyond jealousy at this point, but truth be told, I'm jealous of friends my age who comfortably own their own homes. K – Kindest Person You Know: My next door neighbor. She has a huge heart and gets really upset when we talk about killing spiders and mice in our house. L – Longest Relationship: Eric, 6 years TODAY! M – Middle Name: Claire N – Number of Siblings: Nada O – One Wish: To find it within myself to stick to my goals (exercise, saving money, yada yada) P – Person You Spoke To On The Phone Last: Work colleagues (conference calls for life) Q – Question You’re Always Asked: When are you guys getting engaged? R – Reason To Smile: I feel like I'm finally living my life, not just waiting for it to start. S – Song You Last Sang: Something from Fall Out Boy, most likely. T – Time You Woke Up: 6:15 AM U – Underwear Color: ... V – Vacation Destination: Cashiers, NC, always. It's the only place we can afford to go because it's free for us! W – Worst Habit: Biting my cuticles. Gross. X – X-Rays You’ve Had: My right knee. Y – Your Favorite Food: Anything of the Asian variety - Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, Thai, etc. etc. Or a good steak with Caesar salad. Z – Zodiac Sign: Leo
Oh, hello. How are you? Haven't seen you in a while. Let's skip the rest of the formalities, the apologies, the excuses. Let's just jump right in to life right this very minute.
This weekend was AMAZING.
Thursday:
Thursday I worked from home while Eric took half a furlough day. Around 5:30, after an averted work catastrophe that could have derailed my entire weekend, I hopped offline and we walked down the road to one of Atlanta's newest breweries - Eventide.
Eventide is a half a mile from our house. This is going to be dangerous, and we are going to collect way too many pint glasses over the course of this next year.
ANYHOODLE.
We were joined by some great friends and enjoyed several 6 oz. pours of everyone's favorite summer beverage.
Happy Super Fun Times.
We wish there were more beer tickets.
Eric does not like getting his picture taken, but what a fox.
Drew likes getting his picture taken. Also a fox.
We had an adventure trying to find dinner in town, but ended up back in Grant Park for some tacos and margaritas at my favorite place.
Overall, the evening was a really fabulous way to kick off the long holiday weekend!
Friday:
So, Thursday involved beer and margaritas, right? So Friday morning involved coffee (& water), couch time, and The Fall.
Since the Peachtree Road Race was only 24 hours away, I tried to start hydrating. My last 6 mile run ended with my feeling sick for the entire day and losing motivation to run for an entire month. I didn't want to end up dehydrated and defeated on the 4th, so I avoided alcohol (with a tiny exception) and drank #allthewater.
Around noon, Eric and I peeled ourselves off the couch and drove downtown to check out the race expo and get my number. I anticipated a long line, but our only issue during the whole expo was actually the traffic trying to get there, and the ridiculous parking fees.
Once inside the expo, I had my number within minutes. We walked around, purchased some reasonably priced Thorlo socks, did NOT purchase some unreasonably priced (but super adorable) tank tops, and just generally enjoyed the atmosphere. I think attending the expo helped get me more excited for the race the next day.
Once we got home, I made a stirfry for lunch with a (large) side of ramen noodles (#allthecarbs), and Eric and I spent the rest of the day hanging out, watching TV. For dinner a made a large bowl of spaghetti, and at some point I started laying out my race day outfit, along with all accessories. I made sure all batteries were charged, safety pins were in place, and the post-race bag was packed.
USA! USA! USA!
I called it an early night.
Eric started celebrating his Independence early.
Saturday:
I woke up around 6:45 with a plan to head out by 7:15. I drank a small cup of coffee and had a roast beef and cheese roll up for breakfast. Eric was an absolute sweetheart and drove me to the start of the race - or as close as we could safely get. I had about a mile walk from the drop off point to my wave.*
After nearly settling for the L wave, I decided to make a break for it and run up to K. I'm so glad I did, because I found Jenn and Jerod! We chatted for a minute before our wave could go, and I think that gave me a little motivational push to start strong. There was a huge bolt of lightning right before the clock ran down, and I was a little nervous they were going to delay the race. Later waves were actually diverted to the local malls, but we were able to start on time.
I had a perfect Spotify playlist ready to go, but I forgot to make it available offline. With 54K other runners, plus spectators, I couldn't stream so I had to adjust my plan. I ended up listening to an old workout mix, which was delightful because I hadn't heard most of those songs in a few years.
So our wave started, Jerod ran ahead of me, I ran ahead of Jenn, and we were off. Spectators were few and far between this year, due to the weather, which was a little sad. The Peachtree is such an Atlanta institution, and when the weather is good, the entire 6.2 mile stretch is lined with folks shouting encouragement, clapping, handing out popsicles, beers and hugs. As it was, there was a speckling of folks throughout the race, but not nearly as numerous as usual.
I stuck to my interval running throughout the race - 3:1 - and I kept my pace reasonable. The entire first half of the race felt like a slight downhill, which was very surprising. I ran the race back in 2009, and walked it in 2013, and I thought I remembered it being more hilly. There's a slight incline around mile 2.5, and then "Cardiac Hill", which is a more intense uphill in front of Piedmont Hospital, around mile 3. Even so, "Cardiac Hill" was not nearly as hard as I remembered either, and I ended up running most of it.
Once we got to the lower numbered streets (17th St, etc), I realized I was feeling really strong and still had a lot of reserved energy. I hadn't even had a lot of water. The constant downpours and lower temperatures helped a lot too. I decided that when my phone said I'd reached mile 5, I was going to try to run the entire way to the finish. Any you know what? I did.
Eric and our neighbor, Aram, had gotten a table at TAP on Peachtree and 14th St. so as I ran up, I looked to my right to see if I could spot them. Like smart people in a thunderstorm, they were inside staying dry. That just gave me more motivation to push myself, go a little faster, and finish the race so I could join them for brunch!
I took the turn onto 10th St. and felt that familiar drop in my throat. I always get a little teary toward the finish of a race. I was never an athlete growing up, so every time I accomplish some athletic feat I just get really surprised and happy for myself. Whatever. I'm a weeper.
10th St. is always longer than I think it is. Right around the 6 mile mark, photographers are set up to take your finishing photos, and you can see them as soon as you turn the corner. But you still have .2 miles after that. I always forget that. So I sprinted to get my photo, and then honestly felt a little drained. I moved over to the right and walked for about 5-10 seconds, but then picked it back up and sprinted to the finish.
A quick note here - if you're ever walking in a race and you know there are runners behind you - MOVE TO THE RIGHT. ESPECIALLY in the last stretch. My finishing time was 1:20:09, and I honestly think I could have shaved 15 seconds if I wasn't trying to dodge walkers the last half a mile.
Regardless, I wanted to finish with an average of 12:59/mile or better. I just desperately wanted to get under 13, and I did. I'm so proud of myself. I was smiling all day long.
After the race I grabbed my t-shirt, wandered into someone's proposal (seriously - ooops), and then walked about a mile in the pouring rain back to TAP. Brunch was fantastic, and I was so happy to see Eric and tell him how I did. Jerod had finished about 15 minutes before I did, and was already seated (in dry clothes!). Jenn followed about 30 minutes after me. The five of us (don't forget Aram!) had great food, good drinks, and then headed home.
Cold and wet, but finished!
I spent the afternoon trying to take a nap, and then fell asleep about 10 minutes before I was supposed to get up - doh.
Saturday night was spent with Chris and Lisa, watching newly legalized fireworks from their front yard, eating absolutely delicious food, and hanging out with a warm and lovely crowd of people. This year was probably one of the best Independence Days I've ever had.
No comment necessary.
SUNDAY:
Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. There was more coffee. More couch, snuggles and The Fall. Around 1:00, we decided to talk to a local restaurant, Dakota Blue, for brunch. We split a really filling burrito, homemade hashbrowns, and Dos Equis. I took a trip to a local running store in an effort to buy a new pair of shoes, but they are closed on Sundays "for long runs". Bummer. So we spent the rest of the night in, watching the USA DOMINATE IN THE WORLD CUP FINALS!
SERIOUSLY.
MONDAY:
I took my furlough day on Monday, and lucked out when my friend Mark said he had the day off too! And so did his fiancee! We all met for lunch at a Thai place near his house. I've seen Mark a few times this year, but hadn't seen Gabriel since last spring, so it was wonderful catching up. And again, the food was so good! Very flavorful. Highly recommend it.
So Gabriel, who is awesome anyway, happens to work at the local running store (Big Peach Running Company), and offered to take me and fit me for new shoes! Back Story: I bought my running shoes in 2011, and have trained for 2 Peachtree Road Races and countless 5Ks since then. Eric's sisters were appalled (in the most supportive way) when I told them that earlier this year. I promised myself if I finished my training and stayed active for this race, I would reward myself with new shoes.
Old and busted (but also, work horses!).
So we walked over to the store, and I told Gabriel about my running habits, my knee issues, what I was looking for, etc. I ran in a neutral pair of Nikes while he did a gait analysis, and then he brought out four pairs for me to try on. The first two were awesome - a pair of Mizuno...I want to say Inspire(?) and a pair of ADIDAS Adizeros, both trainers. I loved how lightweight they were, and while my feet are incredibly wide, they both felt just roomy enough, while staying snug in motion. He also brought out a pair of Mizuno Hitogamis and Nike Zooms. The Nikes ended up being far more bulky than I was looking for. The Mizuno Hitogami I remember feeling alright in, but I was already sold on one of the first two pairs I tried on.
I tried both the Inspires and Adizeros again, and the Adizeros just felt like slipping on a glove. Gabriel also told me that they were likely to last 600-700 miles, as opposed to the Mizunos' 400. That was the deciding factor. I really thought I'd go with the Mizunos since they're such a big and trendy name right now, but apparently old school ADIDAS is where I'm at.
New hotness.
Big Peach had a $10 off coupon at the Peachtree Expo AND they give 5% off if you give them your old pair of shoes, so I received a pretty decent discount.
AND BEYOND:
So that was pretty much my weekend. It was really, really awesome. And I took my new shoes for a test drive last night, and while it was too hot for a serious run, my feet felt great!
*There was a mix up when my number was sold last year, and so the system put me in a SUPERFASTELITE wave, when I probably should have started closer to K. So as not to slow down the SUPERFASTELITE runners, I decided to put myself further back.
So I'm not going to have a whole 2015 annual resolution. 12 months is a long time, and a lot of things can happen. I don't want to look back on a whole year and see mostly failures.
Instead, I have one big intent for this year - and it's a pretty good one. I want to live more purposefully. I want to spend every day working towards making myself happy, making those around me happy, and just generally living a more fulfilling life. I want to break myself away from being defined only as a consumer. I want to break myself away from defining myself as my weight, or as my fashion, or as my house. But that intention isn't really a S.M.A.R.T. goal, and it's not a very good resolution. It's just the way I plan to frame my actions this year.
I'm going to try something a little different for 2015. I'm going to attempt monthly resolutions. They say it takes 30 days to start a new habit, right? Seems like a smart approach. I don't know what all of my resolutions will be yet - just the first one. My plan is to start my resolution at the beginning of each month, reassess after 2 weeks and change anything necessary to keep me successful. I'll track my progress, and report back here at the end of the month. By that time, hopefully I will have formed a habit that will continue for the remainder of the year - if I decide it's still a priority.
With that said...
January Resolution:
Spend at least 5 minutes, every single day, doing something active.
Why 5 minutes?
5 minutes doesn't seem like a very long time, but that's entirely the point. Most health blogs talk about a 10 minute rule, but 10 minutes to me seems very daunting when it's cold and rainy outside. And this is January in Atlanta. So every day I can go for a 5 minute walk, do 5 minutes of jumping jacks, do 5 minutes of physical therapy - whatever. As long as it gets me into the habit of doing something, anything. I can then build from there. Why is this resolution important?
This isn't about weight. I have only one body that's going to get me from my first day to my last on this earth, and I'm not treating it very well. My shoulder is hurting me, my knee is hurting me, my back is hurting me. And I'm only 30.
So, I'll track my progress for these 31 days and report back. Wish me luck!
**Fair warning: This post has nothing to do with budget, or running, or minimalism, or any goals in general at all. This is purely a mushy I-Love-My-Family-Even-Though-We're-All-Crazy post.**
My mom and dad met when I was 9. That's not usually how the story goes, I know. My mom and I were living in a house in Florida, and my dad moved in next door. My dad was a strapping, young(ish) Englishman, working in Boynton Beach on a visa.
My mom fell in love instantly.
So did my dad. I mean, he didn't fall in love with my mom right away. No, he only had eyes for our Golden Retriever, Rusty.
My dad loved that dog. He would come over to our house almost every day to help us train Rusty or to play fetch. This is where my mom found her opportunity. See, my mom is a world class cook, so she used her kitchenly wiles and made my dad dinner several nights a week.
Eventually my dad couldn't eat food not cooked by my mom, and he made the lifesaving decision to propose to her, lest he starve to death. That's how I see it anyway. Pretty sure it's accurate.
Yes, yes. We're very happy. Now get in the kitchen.
Where did I fit in? Well, for a while, my dad who was not my dad at the time, would try to help me in math, or give me an allowance on the side that my mom didn't know about, or throw me in the pool.
The struggle was real, guys.
Or take me to Disney World. He did that a lot. That was pretty awesome.
Then I became a teenager and we moved 4 times in 4 years. That was incredibly difficult for me, because I didn't have any friends, and I couldn't play any sports, and I couldn't join any clubs. And I blamed my dad. We fought CONSTANTLY. I "hated" him, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty sure he "hated" me too.
There was love there, obviously, but you had to look really hard for it. Like, one time I was driving back to Atlanta for a shift at work when I got caught in some terrible traffic because of a major accident. This was before every person over the age of 5 owned a cell phone, so when I didn't show up for my shift on time, they called my parents' house to try to get a hold of me. When I still didn't show up after an hour, they called again. My dad, without even blinking, got in his car and traced my steps back to Atlanta to make sure it wasn't me in the major accident.
Or like when my engine blew up, or my radiator exploded, or my timing belt snapped - he always helped me out.
But generally our interactions involved us yelling at each other about money and responsibilities. This happened for a solid 12 years. We didn't talk on the phone, we barely spoke when I came home. We, um...we weren't in a good place.
Slowly but surely, as I started to figure out this whole "life" thing and stand on my own two feet, my dad stopped seeing me as a sullen, bratty teenager, and instead started seeing me as a daughter he raised. But we still fought a lot.
Here's where I'm convinced I'm living in a Hallmark movie. So, in Hallmark movies you have this grumpy, grinchy kind of character who used to love the holiday spirit, but who's now withdrawn and angry all the time, right? That's my dad. He wasn't overly generous when I was a teenager - and I'm not just talking about money (that part made sense because he was trying to teach me the value of the dollar, timeless 90s tween wardrobe be damned).
No, what I mean is we rarely spent time together. He tried to teach me how to drive stick shift once, but after about 30 minutes, his fist was clenched on the handle over the window and his face got really red, and let's just say I didn't learn how to drive stick shift that day.
But over the last month he's been a completely different person. I'm not sure what happened (elvish dust and Santa Claus magic, probably), but he's acting like - like a dad. Like the kind of dad you see in commercials and stuff.
E and I are thinking of buying each other bikes, but we aren't ready to commit to that kind of money. So my dad went into the garage, fished out his and my mom's bikes, pumped the tires, put the bike rack on my car, loaded the bikes, and gave me the tire pump.
He saw the wiper blades on my car were in sad disrepair, so he drove me to AutoZone to buy new ones, and installed them for me.
I've been talking about how my Kindle Fire (OG) is outdated and not compatible with newer apps, so when he saw a WinBook on sale, he bought me one.
My dad and I both like craft beer, so I was telling him about how my favorite beer has been out of stock at most stores in Atlanta all season. He called up his local bottle shop, found out they had 3 six packs, and asked me how many I wanted.
He noticed that I always have to open my car's trunk from the inside because the handle is broken, so he grabbed some bolt cutters (and I don't even want to know what else), and fixed it.
These are small things, to be sure, but none of them would have happened 10 years ago, and all of them have happened within the last month. I'm not sure what's changed, Maybe I've grown. Maybe he's grown. Maybe Santa or Hanukkah Harry gave us both a little push.
My dad is the grumpiest of Grumpy Gusses, but he's my dad, and I love him.
Pictured: Future Grumpy Gus
I loved him before, even when I "hated" him, don't get me wrong. But lately he's been more like the man I knew in 1994, and I'm really grateful for that.
So maybe this has nothing to do with Christmas at all, but I did ask Santa for a dad when I was about 6. I think delivered, he's just been tinkering with it for the last 20 years.
My mom is a hoarder. And so is my dad. I've often thought about submitting them to Hoarders or Hoarding: Buried Alive.
When I was a child, my mom and I moved around a LOT. Every year, in fact. We moved so often that we didn't always bother to unpack everything. My mom liked to call herself a "Pack Rat". I remember in one apartment, we had makeshift walkways created out of boxes piled all over the living room - the living room that was unusable for a time.
My mom and my dad, who are empty nesters, now live in a 4 bedroom split level house. The garage is so full of stuff (theirs, and my recently deceased grandmother's) that they park their cars outside in the driveway. The basement is completely filled with old memorabilia or "As Seen on TV" things from Costco that it can only function as a storage area. The breakfast room has 3 bookshelves chockablock full of cookbooks and cooking magazines. The kitchen has so many appliances and pots and pans and serving ware that the cabinets have now spilled over onto the counters, and there is no more space to prepare food. I could go on. And on top of all of that, they also have a storage room down the street.
My mom and dad don't like living a messy life. They want desperately to be organized, they really do. But here's a story:
For Christmas last year I gave my mom 4 days of my life. In those 4 days, any 4 days out of the year, we would tackle 4 rooms of the house. The catch was that my mom had to let me donate, trash or recycle 90% of what I thought was needed, and she could save 10%. We started in the kitchen.
We went through tupperware, pots and pans, appliances, COLANDERS. My mom owns something like 7 colanders. SEVEN. She has 5 or 6 casserole dishes, innumerable pots and pans of the same and varying sizes, 3 different coffee makers (standard, espresso and Keurig). We filled maybe one large box to "sell at a yardsale", and maybe one trashbag of broken items. Every time I asked my mom to pare down, she gave me a reason why she couldn't get rid of this, and certainly couldn't part with that.
The yardsale never happened, and I don't know where that box is now, but I'd wager several of those items are back in the cabinet.
So we didn't tackle any other rooms. I love my parents, but I wasn't going to waste our time.
The thing is, I don't judge my parents for hoarding. Sure, I make jokes on occasion, but the truth is that they're bombarded with advertising and socially accepted norms 24/7 telling them that owning more is better. Upgrading is important, but nostalgia is good too. So they have no filter and they keep everything.
I don't judge them at all, but I don't want to live like that.
In what may seem like the most obvious statement in the world, I think there's a chance I was maybe influenced by my mom. Bless her heart, she tried to instill the values of cleanliness and organization, but I had no frame of reference.
Besides having an overabundance of "useful" items (I'm using that term loosely here), my mom is also a collector. Of like, everything. Magazines, cookbooks, kitchen tchotchkes, ashtrays, menus, clowns, Murano glass. When I was 8 or 9, she and my grandmother (another fine collector in her own right) decided I needed to start a collection. My grandfather had collected yo-yos, my uncles had collected stamps and coins. None of these were interesting to me, so I started collecting cat figurines. Why? No idea. Because I was supposed to, I guess. I stopped collecting them sometime in high school.
When I came home from college my freshman year, I wanted to clean out my bedroom. My mom said she'd help me. Big mistake. I tried to donate my prom dresses, old board games with missing pieces, and (you guessed it) the figurines. I had no attachment to them anymore. I had pictures of myself in my dresses, I couldn't play the games without the pieces, and c'mon. Who needs cat figurines? I'm not even a cat person.
But my dear, sweet mom couldn't let go (there's a pattern here, I'm sure of it). She wouldn't let me donate my dresses. Sharpshooter and Trivial Pursuit are still on the top shelf of the closet, and those cat figurines?
If my big intention for 2015 is to live more mindfully, part of that is to live more productively. What I mean is that I want to spend less time being passive or inactive, and more time actually living life. Less TV, less mindless internet time (read: cats, hacks, and knickknacks), more being outside, more human interaction, more creating - that sort of thing.
I'm pretty lucky in that I have amazing flexibility with my job. I work from home about 2 days a week, and go into the office the rest of the time. On my office days, I can arrive any time between 7 and 10! My work load has its ebbs and flows, so some mornings, when I know I have a full schedule ahead of me, I'll log online around 7:30 to start my day. Other mornings I'll wait to start my day until 9 or 10 (I'm on the East Coast and work with a lot of people on the West Coast, so later start times help synch our schedules).
For the past several months, my standard morning routine has started with my alarm going off about 45 minutes before I have to leave for work, or about 15 minutes before I have to log on for the day, if I'm working from home. This is typically around 8:00 AM or later (with a few exceptions for days I know I'll be slammed, as I mentioned).
Also of note, I typically fall asleep on the couch around 10:00 PM, and head to bed by 11:30. So I'm getting a full night of sleep (and then some!). Yet every morning when that alarm goes off, I hit snooze. More than once.
Recently, I decided that I was wasting these morning hours and wanted to start waking up earlier. So I set my alarm for earlier. Like 45 minutes earlier. But I didn't wake up. Instead, I just hit the snooze button closer to 5 or 6 times.
E was not pleased.
I've read a ton of tips and tricks about how to become a morning person:
Put your phone on the other side of the room.
Set your coffee pot the night before.
Buy a special alarm clock app that makes you do math before you can shut it off.
Get out of bed when you wake up naturally.
None of these worked for me. One tip that did make sense, and has worked every day I've used it so far, is to put the alarm clock in the bathroom. I hesitated to do this at first because I was afraid it would wake E. I asked him about it last week and he very obviously pointed out that I was already waking him up - several times - by keeping the alarm by the bed and hitting snooze repeatedly.
So, a few days ago I set my alarm (which happens to be on my phone), and left it in bathroom with the door open. The next morning the alarm did its thing, I got out of bed, turned on the lights, turned off the noise, and started my day.
So. Simple.
Here's a few benefits/reasons why I think this worked for me:
Leaving my phone in the bathroom overnight helps me fall asleep faster because I'm not distracted by texts (or Facebook, or Feedly).
I'm forced to leave the bed, with its warm blankets and soft pillows, for the harsh reality of winter in a drafty house.
When I get into the bathroom, I turn the lights on immediately, which jolt the senses.
I generally need to use the bathroom as soon as I wake up, so I'm staying out of bed for a few extra moments.
With the lights on and the call of nature answered, I will brush my teeth, and by then I'm awake and I'm not fighting for "just another 5 minutes".
I haven't had the urge to crawl back into bed once since I started this new routine. It's amazing.
Waking up earlier has given me extra time to:
Enjoy my coffee.
Write blog posts.
Read blogs.
Spot clean the house.
I'm not curing cancer with the extra 45 minutes, but I'm finding a calm and productive way to start my day. My ultimate goal is to eventually wake up around 6:30 AM and get a workout in. For now, I'm happy with a successful babystep. Try it!
For me, staying motivated means being constantly reminded about my goals. I'm very, very bad about letting distractions derail me. So I downloaded several podcasts related to budgeting and minimalism, podcasts I can listen to easily while I'm in the car, in the kitchen, or on a walk.
One of these podcasts had a wonderfully synchronistic episode. The show itself is MoneyPlan SOS, which provides great financial advice about debt, wealth, and everything in between. There's an archived episode from September 2012 with Untitled Minimalist's Robert Wall, wherein Robert explains that minimalism is different for each person. Sure, you have 20 and 30 somethings out there who live in a car and own about 10 things. But that's not really sustainable, especially when you talk about starting a family. For everyone else, minimalism is simply not owning more than you need to live your life. Well, I mean if that's your definition...
I did say that I'm not a minimalist, and I'm not sure that I want to be. But c'mon. Owning nothing more than what you need to live your life? That sounds pretty flexible and achievable. That leaves room for hobbies and activities that bring me joy.
Things that bring me joy. I keep bringing it up, because it's such a profound and yet perfectly simple way to look at things. As I sit in my living room right now, I look around and see a Christmas tree, a TV and stereo, a print from my favorite artist, two photos that I took myself, a few blankets, some pillows, a couch, a chair, rug...
90% of what I see is useful or makes me smile. My goal is to get ride of the other 10%. Getting rid of that 10% (broken game controllers, old receipts, etc) would mean that I was surrounded 100% by things I use and things I enjoy. How cool is that?
And the 10% right now that's cluttering up my house, well it's something I have to clean. It's something I need to spend time dealing with. Why would I waste my time dealing with joyless things? Joyless things that have no use?
Having fewer things means having less clutter. And having less clutter means I spend less time cleaning. If I spend less time cleaning, then I have more time - to write! I have more time to play with my dog! I have more time to spend with my friends!
True story - when E and I lived in the apartment, I dreaded having people over. I LOVE to host. I love cooking for friends, providing a warm and inviting place for them, but our place was a MESS. And I think in 3 years, the entirety of the apartment was clean maybe twice, including the day we moved in. Every time we cleaned, we'd focus on the living areas first - makes sense, right? That's what people would see. And we would just move stuff around. Move laundry from the couch to the bed. Move old mail from the table to the counter. Move this to that room. Move that to the other room. So we'd have a presentable living room, kitchen, bathroom (MAAAYYYYBE, if we got to it), and our office and bedroom would be absolute wrecks. So then I'd spend time cleaning those, just to let crap pile up back in the living room.
I spent so much time cleaning, when I could have been cooking. Or decorating. Or relaxing.
This is my favorite part of minimalism. The idea that once you remove some physical things from your home or your life, you've made room (physical, mental or emotional) for things that bring you joy.
Like I've said before, I'm not anywhere near done, but I've already started to notice changes in my life. If E wants to have an impromptu shindig, I don't have a minor panic attack for 2 hours. I just do a quick sweep of the house and clean the toilet. Voila!
I don't want to make resolutions for 2015 - too easily and too often I get off track, and by mid-February all motivation is gone.
Do I want to lose weight? Sure.
Do I want to get out of debt? Duh.
Do I want to be more organized? You betcha.
So here's the thing. Around this time last year, I started reading about this crazy, COMPLETELY unAmerican, nutso idea: minimalism. I talked briefly about it in my last few posts, but the gist is really to live intentionally.
So last year, as I mentioned, E and I got rid of 12 bags of clothes and 15 boxes of unnecessary...things. I started in my closet first. Anything I hadn't worn in the last 3 months were tossed. Then any item that couldn't make at least 2 distinct outfits. Then, I got real with myself, and packed up any items I knew didn't fit.
Next, I moved on to E's closet. That was a little tougher because he hadn't been reading the same blogs as me, and couldn't read my mind. We spent about 30 minutes talking about clothes and materialism, and assigning emotions to things. Why on earth were we so attached to t-shirts with holes in them that we hadn't worn in 2 years? And by "we" I mean "E". And by "2 years" I mean since college. But it was like a lightbulb went off as we were talking, and we easily pared down his clothes and shoes within 2 hours.
A few days later I tackled my books. Now, I went to a liberal arts school, so my textbooks weren't textbooks so much as freaking national treasures. I learned from primary sources like The Odyssey and Rites of Spring and The Bagavadgita. And so did E. So in our apartment we had 3 large bookshelves filled to the brim, AND the tops of our cabinets in the kitchen (which is a pretty rad decorating choice if you ask me). But did I love all of these books? Had I even read all of them? No.
Books are sacred to me, and so I will never throw them in the trash. But I definitely owned several that I felt ambivalent towards, or just outright hated. Why did I continue to surround myself with things that didn't bring me joy?
So into boxes they went. Along with never-played boardgames, never-used blenders, and never-to-work-again electronic devices.
It felt so good, and it made moving in June that much easier. Throughout the rest of the year, I've constantly thought about the big "purge", and how refreshing it was, and how free I felt immediately after.
So in June, E and I moved into a new house. We had enough furniture and knickknacks to immediately unpack and make the place feel like our own. I've been guilty of buying a few unnecessary things here and there, but overall I think I've done a good job at reusing/redistributing other items we already have.
My biggest problem isn't filling my house with stuff. My biggest problem is filling my closet with stuff. The problem with reading blogs about minimalism is that the bloggers all seem to have it figured out already, right? They have a formula for essentials, they've figured out their style - they seem perfectly content. And so for me, when I read their blogs (and look at their outfits), I fall back into the same old habits.
If I just had that sweater, of course my wardrobe would be complete.
If I just had those leopard print shoes.
If I just had those skinny pants.
So, in the last 4 months or so, I bought. I bought and I bought and I bought. And then I realized I bought a LOT, and so I've stopped. Finally.
I will say that my binge shopping was different this time around. Every item I purchased goes with at least 3 other things I already own. And every item fit perfectly. And each time I finished shopping, I'd come home and purge my closet some more.
I don't meant to belittle folks with eating disorders, but typing all of that out just now makes me realize I have, like consumerist bulimia. That's insane. That's an insane way to live when you're talking about THINGS.
So I was about to congratulate myself on some babystep progress, but clearly, I need to do some more work.
So, I think by now we've figured out that I'm not great at impulse control. In fact, I'd say it's my biggest weakness. I eat too much, I drink too much, I buy too much, I watch too much...I love temporary satisfaction. But we all know it never lasts.
And here comes the big reveal. 2015 is the year of gaining control. Control of my spending and of the stuff in my house. And that's IT. It's not a resolution, it's an intention.
I want to surround myself with only things that bring me joy. It's easy to say that. I love my couch - it's comfortable. I love my dog - he's funny. I love my bedspread - it's pretty. I love the art on my walls - I chose it intentionally. But I don't love the cannister of rubber athletic balls that have never been used in the 3 years we've lived together. I don't love the 15 or so cooking magazines that I picked up in line at the grocery store that are now sitting on my bookshelf having never been used.
Every day I look around my house and find something else that has no purpose in our lives. My immediate response is that we need to get rid of "it", whatever "it" is in that moment. And then my second response is to think back to when it was purchased (if I did the purchasing). What purpose did I think this item would have in my life? Was I kidding myself at the time? What triggered me putting it into my cart?
Decluttering is good. It's important. It's helped me figure out that I DO attach emotions to inanimate objects. It's also helped me keep my house cleaner. Awesome. But decluttering is only ONE aspect of it. The other piece is to make a conscious decision every time I'm out that I will only buy items that I need or that will bring me real, continuous joy. Learning what my triggers are and ignoring them, I hope, will help me to bring less "stuff" into my home. Less stuff means less money spent AND less to clean.
And now, if you've read this far, you deserve a treat. Here's a picture of Rocket Raccoon. Or maybe it's a regular raccoon, but I like to think it's Rocket.
I told you I'd be back! My last post recounted, in dramatic detail, all of the terrible, awful, no good, very bad things that happened in 2014. About a week or so after the post, this article popped up in my Feedly feed.
So yeah. Sorry to have dwelt on the negative, but I'm feeling a lot more hopeful and positive about 2015.
But before I get to 2015 (and I have some fun ideas I'm going to share next time), I want to end 2014 on a high note. A lot of the positives surrounding this last year actually came out of surviving/dealing with/handling/living through the negatives. There were a TON of blessings in disguise this year, and several just plain old blessings.
As I mentioned last time, I started the year "unemployed". This was probably the best thing to ever happen to me. That's so crazy to say, but truly I can't imagine my life would be half as fulfilling or meaningful if I was still working at my supposed dream job.
For starters, being fired is, to me, probably the WORST thing that could ever happen to my career. And, in fact, my marketing career is pretty much over. So the WORST thing ever actually happened, and you know what? I came out on the other side. I took all of my talents and skills, and I found a new job in a new industry, with a company that values its employees and provides a TON of training resources. As much as I miss the creative aspect of marketing, I'd pretty much call this a net win. I'm paid more, less stressed, and have a fantastic work/life balance (most of the time).
On top of that, I gained a lot of confidence. Sure, immediately following my dismissal I was an absolute wreck - don't get it twisted. Being fired for cause will shake you to the very core. But, almost immediately after I lost my job, I started working at a boutique wine shop. This wine shop? Another blessing. The owners are some of the most genuine, kind, helpful, lovely people you could ever hope to meet. And supportive. So incredibly supportive. They really helped me gain perspective on my job loss, helped me rebuild my confidence with tons of encouragement, and just straight up helped me by giving me a job. They didn't have to hire me, they had no need for a full-time employee. But they did.
It's hard to exactly put into words what those 2.5 months at the shop did for me. I was so ashamed of being fired, but within weeks I was able to hold my head up, just a little bit higher. The WORST happened, and I was still here. And, dare I say, happier?
For 2.5 months, E and I had almost identical schedules. We'd wake up and have breakfast and coffee together. We'd make dinner together, we'd go grocery shopping together. We had a lot of quality time to talk about Important Things.
I also had a lot of time to spend on the internet. Pinterest became my constant companion. For a while, I'd pin clothes or furniture thinking "when I'm back on my feet, this is what my life will look like." But then one day, I saw a pin for this blog about a minimalist wardrobe, and a lightbulb went off. Later that week, I detoxed my closet. A few weeks later I did it again. Then I talked E into joining me. Over the course of a month or so, we gave away about TWELVE(!!) trashbags full of clothes. Then we started on the rest of the house, and gave away probably FIFTEEN BOXES(!!!!!) of stuff, ranging from boardgames to kitchen utensils and appliances to books.
We continued minimizing, decluttering, and organizing over the next 6 months, and it felt amazing. I'm 100% certain that this would have never happened if I'd been working at my previous job - a job who's sole purpose is to sell sell sell stuff stuff stuff. I'm not a minimalist, and I'm not sure I want to be, but I love being more intentional with what we have in our home. I'm not perfect, and my house can still get cluttered very easily, but I have a completely new outlook on what actually comes into my home. More on this later, because this is a huge driving force behind my goals for 2015.
Being unemployed also completely changed my outlook on finances, for a time. As soon as I started my new job, I paid off all of my medical bills and a majority of my credit card debt, and I started a decent savings account. (Then I fell of the wagon, and am now climbing my way back, but that's a different, lamer story - again saved for 2015).
So, to recap - January 2014 included a great and fulfilling job, a new perspective on the American dream, an opportunity to connect with my incredible boyfriend, a new confidence - and I didn't even mention the showers of love and support we received from our friends and family. January 2014 was pretty awesome - and then I got a new salaried job!
But as you know by now, a new job wasn't my only major life event in 2014. This year has been difficult, but fall has been the worst part of it. Dealing with the breast cancer "scare", my grandmother's death, and E's less than ideal work situation - all within a few months - has been draining. But somehow I feel like we are coming out on the other side stronger. E has held me up, helped me beat back depression, and just been a fantastic cheerleader throughout. I'd like to think that I'm able to do the same for him as we handle another few months of "un(der)employment". I think it's fair to say that we've struggled a lot in our 5+ years together, but there has been something stronger and more serious about this past year than any other. I'm so incredibly grateful to have such an amazing partner by my side. We don't always agree on what's best, but we challenge each other, support each other, and (I think) make each other better.
Okay - so those were all of the blessings in disguise. Now, let's talk about the regular ol' blessings!
In June, E and I left behind our apartment of 3 years (the longest I've ever lived in one place my entire life - true story), and moved into a beautiful-to-us 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in the city. Our house (which we rent) is probably not THAT much bigger than our apartment, but the floorplan is much more open, we have so many huge windows, and we have a yard. The yard, man. That is a G-dsend, for real. This guy couldn't be happier:
Our neighborhood is slightly sketchy full of character, and we're walking distance to a park, farmer's market, coffee shop, yoga studio, and several restaurants. I'm in love.
We celebrated weddings this year for 3 couples who we love and adore. In April, we traveled to Cashiers for E's cousin's gorgeous mountain wedding, and in May, we traveled to Charleston for another cousin's perfectly southern affair. We had the opportunity to visit with family that E doesn't get to see very often, and it was a lovely and exciting time.
Then, in October, we were both members of the wedding party for two of our closest friends - Jenn & Jerod. Weddings can be a huge time commitment, they can be a financial strain, and they can try friendships, but these three weddings only brought us smiles and full hearts.
This year was also big for me and my best friend, K. We both turned 30!! I still can't believe it. I remember meeting her our senior year of high school, when we both went to Oglethorpe to compete for a scholarship. She was so happy and friendly - and smart! Our friendship really began our freshman year of college when we decided to rush Alpha Phi Omega together, and it was cemented when we became roommates the following year. We've seen each other through school, heartaches, career advancements (and setbacks, obvi), life, loss and everything in between. And I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE'S 30! That's SO. OLD.
We celebrated her birthday in June with some party time, then more party time, then one "look at your life, look at your choices" moment (we decided both life and choices were pretty awesome). We celebrated my birthday in August with a classy affair at the wine shop. Then, because none of that was enough for us, we went to the redneck riviera with our S.O.s where we drank obnoxiously large rum drinks, every flavor from the Bud Light "Rita"family of beverages, and water. So much water.
Then we celebrated E's 30th birthday! Holy cow!
This photo was taken at E's 30th birthday party. Not pictured: E.
Another absolutely wonderful thing that happened this year is that I was finally able to visit my sister, who I hadn't seen since I was 14, and meet my 3 adorable nephews for the first time. Look at them!
So 2014 was a really tough year mentally, emotionally, and financially. But I also have a lot to be thankful for. I'm so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by an abundance of love and understanding. As much as I'm ready for 2014 to be over, it was a year of such tremendous growth and learning for me that I can't say I wish it had turned out differently.
